My Anxiety

Often I have spent time thinking about, what shall be my first ever blog. And in the pursuit of writing a memorable blog, I ended up having no blog at all. So what made me write today’s blog. Well, this happens to be my blog on anxiety and=d negative thoughts.

I have been told by my closest friends that, no matter how happy go luck, jovial I might seem on the surface, deep down I battle my own demons, my negative thoughts.

So what are these negative thoughts that haunt me? My biggest worry has been the well being of my loved ones. Before I got married it was my concern for my parents, and after my marriage it is my husband and yes my in laws as well. When the negative thoughts invade my thought process it sets off a series of anxiety attacks. The negative thoughts are mostly when ppl travel. So when my husband traveled to Chicago, for 2 hours i was sitting in front of the computer tracking his flight, praying hard to almighty that all should go well and yes, CNN and FOX news were going on all day long. This is insane and yes it troubles my husband too. He is generally a very understanding and accommodating person. So if he says it is bugging him then these negative thoughts are surely having a detrimental impact on my relations.

What triggered these thoughts. Well, firstly, the news. Anytime i watch the news, i am always grief stricken. Children are being killed, innocent lives were lost as their plane was caught in a crossfire. It worries me, when i think, is my family safe? Am i safe? I tend to have these thought “tremors” as i like to call it. where a negative thought will stem form a cue obtained from watching the news. I will question “what if”? There is a part of my brain, the sane one, that will immediately snub this and provide me with much more rational thinking. i will use reasoning and yes my unwavering faith in God, that all will be well. But again after sometime of calm there will be a bout of insanity.

Another reason that make me so anxious is that i had lost a dear brother of mine in a ruthless train accident in India. And that made me question, why? What wrong did his kids do? What wrong did his father do? What wrong did he do? It made question at one point in time, i questioned the very existence of God. No, i am certainly not proud of that moment. I did turn back around, and i got back my faith and it is stronger than ever. Having faith in God gave me so much solace. It was that calming presence that I felt blessed me and calmed the storm waging within me.

As i write this article, it is because writing about will help me assuage the anxiety and worry that is crippling me. Writing it allows me to channel the rational and positive side of me. Putting it on paper, allows me to face the negative thoughts and automatically see how ludicrous my thoughts are. It is as if I am my own therapist.

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